Black Card Benefits Include:

No-Questions-Asked Release From Racially-Motivated Police Questioning

Members suspecting racial-motivation need only flash their card to be released; unless they were wrong in suspecting racial-motivation, in which case they will likely be arrested. ^*

24/7 White House Access

As long as there is a black president, enjoy 24/7 access to The White House. Cardholders can arrange to have a beer with the president or swing by unannounced to swim laps in the pool.

Designation as an Official Friend to Black People

One of The Black Card's most popular benefits, this designation allows cardholders of any race, ethnicity or color (black included) to declare themselves an Official Friend of Black People. NOTE: this benefit may be revoked if the cardholder exceeds their yearly allotment of one racist outburst.

And More!

Cardholder satisfaction is our #1 priority. We encourage our members to submit suggestions for benefits they would like to have. ^†

^*This benefit is only guaranteed in the continental US.

^†The Black Card is a project of How To Be Black by Baratunde Thurston. It has no affiliation with the rumored “Centurion Card” from American Express nor “The Black Card” from VISA.
Attempts to use this card for credit or debit-based purchases may result in arrest and/or prosecution. If that arrest is racially-motivated, however, this card will allow you one release from police custody.
Also note that The White House has not confirmed it will provide access to cardholders, but trust us: just tell them the black president sent you, and show your card.
Finally, none of this is true. Or is it?